Blacking Out

The adventure is near and we have to get the house ready for my return. That means making it as light-proof as possible. I've dug out an old Weston Master light meter and found a table on the net that converts EVs (exposure values) into Lux. I'm allowed to experience 100 lux on my first day and this can increase by 100 lux per day for the first two weeks. The sunlight coming through one attic window this afternoon registered something like 8000 lux so there'll be someway to go!

I've brought several rolls of landscaping fabric. This is a woven, polyester sheet that is virtually 100% light proof. I've also bought a roll of gaffer tape and a box of drawing pins. The kitchen, with 6ft patio doors, 3 windows and a skylight will be the most difficult, our bedroom has 4 windows and another in the en-suite and the living room has 2 sets of French Doors and a window. We have a house with light and views which, in the present circumstances is a bit of a pain. Still it's not for long and won't take too long to do. I reckon a couple of hours from both of us and it will be finished if I don't run out of fabric. I've warned the neighbour in case she thinks we're turning the place into a bomb factory. We've also realised that we don't need to light-proof the whole house. There are some rooms where we can just keep the doors closed. At least this will mean that Elaine will be able to go and sit in some rooms (including the conservatory) where there will be natural daylight and even sunshine. Wouldn't you just know that the forecast for the next couple of weeks is for brighter, sunny weather! I am really going to resent not being able to sit in the conservatory and watch the garden or enjoy a rare glimpse of the sun. I'm going to be really p***ed off not being able to work in the garden as there are still a lot of jobs I want to do and I have really enjoyed the time I have spent on garden landscaping and design over the past couple of years. It's a weird thing living in a house that feels like winter all the time. In the places that I've 'proofed' already it seems like permanent night-time.

We've also fashioned a balaclava out of a thinner landscaping fabric. I've had to make it double thinkness as this fabric is not so lightproof. We had great fun working out a design and template, getting it to fit tight and making sure it covered exposed flesh generously. So far there are no eye-holes and it does get pretty warm in there. I may have to wear it as we drive back from London in a week and a half or I may just be able to cover up with a scarf. We'll probably drive back after sunset to avoid the sunlight but I don't know whether I'll even be able to drive so Elaine may have to do it all herself. Can you just see the scene if we get spotted and then stopped? Armed police approaching with their guns drawn whilst the mysterious hooded mobster/terrorist/bomber sits in the car and refuses to come out into the light. Then, when other police go to search the address given by DVLA, they arrive to find all the windows obscured by black, light-proof fabric making it impossible to see what is going on inside. But then they have to interrogate me but are not allowed to use the 'shine the light into the eyes' technique and so get nowhere.

Excuse the flight of fantasy - but can you imagine trying to get back home by public transport? As it is we'll probably have to arrange a mini-cab to collect us from the hospital and take us back to Brentford where we'll have left the car at my dads flat.

Fortunately we managed to get the cat into our neighbouring cattery. That's a major concern off our hands. They know him well and he knows them although he probably wouldn't choose to go there if we could ask him. He's so old and fussy that he needs coaxing before he will eat. That, together with the facts that he's deaf and virtually blind in one eye, means he needs special care and attention.

So, reckoning approaches. Once I get to London I may not be able to access the internet so there may be nothing added (nor e-mails answered) for a couple of weeks. After that I should be able to say how successful the treatment has been - so watch this space.

Ron