Starting Points

Where do I start?

Fears? Hopes? Details? Denials? Resignation? Expectations? Anticipation?

There's a lot to think about and much to hope for. This is going to change my life but in ways I cannot yet foresee. Astonishingly, there seems to be a part of me that is quite accepting of the fact that cancer has been diagnosed, the same part that says 'well, just get on with it.' It may be the same part that expects me to make a full recovery. Oh I know I may come out with some minor surgical mutilation but other than that I don't expect this inconvenience to stop me enjoying my imminent retirement. On that note maybe I should start a Retirement Blog as well as I have no idea how I'm going to cope with that either.

Well, for those of you who want to know, here is the story so far:-

February 2006 - I was aware of an ulcer in my left cheek (my handsome side) that wasn't healing. I mentioned it to my dentist at my annual check up. (Or did I just say to myself 'I must mention this to my dentist'?) However nothing came of this and I just waited longer for it to heal.

Summer/Autumn 2006 - the ulcer had still not healed and I mentioned it to my dad when he enquired after my health. A week or two later he advised me to have it checked up on as 'they can go cancerous and there's a history of cancer in our family.'

Autumn 2006 - started to self-treat the ulcer with over the counter jells and mouth washes. Chemist advised me to have it looked at it it hadn't healed within a few weeks.

February 2007 - back to the dentist. She had no record of me mentioning the ulcer the previous year - maybe it had only been an intention. This year she did feel it needed looking at. She squeezed it, felt under my jaw, prodded and poked and made encouraging sounds. I was not panicked when I left.

As It happened I was also being referred for some physiotherapy on my knee at the same time so when I had heard from the physio dept but not from the facial-surgical I started badgering the hospital - something I would advise anyone to do as it is my experience that they can take months to just pass your notes from one dept to another!

April 2007 - first appointment with the facial surgeons. Inspection by junior and consultant sounds encouraging. No signs of cancer, probably just infection or fungal complaint ... take these pills twice a day and come back in two weeks.

May 2007 - no change. Stop taking pills. Prodded and felt by more doctors - might be lichen planus but need a biopsy to confirm. Come back in four weeks as there's no essential urgency.

June 2007 - biopsy. Not unpleasant although that normal instinctive reaction to having needles stuck in you kicked in. I lay there in the chair with fists clenched, body rigid, practising controlled breathing. OK, all done, come back for the results in a couple of weeks.

3 days later, a phone call, can you come in next Wednesday? Warning Bells, WARNING BELLS, ALARM BELLS!! and an anxious wait.

The next Wednesday - arrive at the dept to find NO-ONE else there. The place is ghostly quiet which is a bit unsettling to start with. Then receptionists and nurses appear and Elaine and I are ushered into an examination room. Elaine had come as an extra pair of ears, I have a tendency (I'm told) to only hear what I want to hear so I thought it a good idea to have a back up.

The consultant-surgeon-master-cutter arrived and re-examined my mouth and cheek, murmured and mumbled some incantations to himself, went out, came back, re-examined the notes and then started blathering on about something or other.

I was getting to the point of a murder defence on the groups of incompetent obfuscation when he dropped in the C word. I was more disappointed than surprised. I had hoped until that point that the problem was rooted elsewhere.

Then began the detailing of the position. It was a squamsomething cancer and that was good as it was slow growing and not particularly invasive. It was an awkward and inconvenient place to have a cancer as access was so restricted so if they were going to remove it by surgery they would have to peel my cheek back to get to it. However that wasn't all bad as they would then be able to have ready access to the lymph nodes under my jaw should any of them show signs of the cancer spreading. They would have to remove a significant part of the inside of my cheek and replace it with a skin graft from my hairy arm, another problem and then I would have to shave inside my mouth (only kidding - I think). The operation would take 8 hours and then up to two weeks recovery in hospital. But I shouldn't worry as reconstructive surgery was very good these days and all I would be left with was a dry mouth, droopy lip and the inability to open my mouth wide enough to brush my teeth or bite into an apple.

Alternatively it might be possible to treat it with radio-therapy. This would involve weekly visits (daily according to Elaine - it was a good job that I took her!) to Cheltenham,about 30 miles away. There they would give me tooth-killing doses of ray-gun emissions and hope that I didn't disappear Dalek like in a flash of green light. Just to spare my teeth they would remove all my left side molars and pre-molars before the treatment. Although it wasn't mentioned, I imagine they will replace them with something after the treatment is over, otherwise I will be searching the car boot sales for shark's teeth necklaces or something similar.

This was a week and a half ago.



Since then I've had x-rays of my jaw and chest (how ominous is that!?), blood tests and an MRI scan of my neck. Then, this Tuesday, we go to get the results and treatment must start by around the 25th July to comply with government deadlines. For those of you not in the UK - I get all this free of charge. Well, free at point of delivery because of course I've been paying for it all my working life through our National Insurance Scheme.

In the meantime I've been reading and so has Elaine. We've looked at alternative therapies, alternative treatment centres, peoples blogs, advice, questions, support groups and Cancer Charities. I've told my colleagues and am slowly getting round to telling friends and neighbours (which I have found much harder).

So early on it's hard to give advice but - for what it's worth try the following:-

Regard cancer as an illness not a death sentence.

Tell people - their warmth, affection and support is almost a cure in itself.

Move quickly - I didn't and now wish I had. Better to get it wrong at an early stage than right later on.

Chase the bl...y hospital. If you don't hear soon, ring them up and ask if they've lost your notes. You're so surprised not to have heard already. (And you've heard how incompetent they can be


OK - that's it for now - if you're suffering - good luck, stay smiling and be strong.


Ron